In September 2020, which was a few months prior to my sister’s passing, my parents were visiting her to help care for her in the final months. I remember having a phone conversation with my dad regarding how to update people on Nicole’s situation, thanking people, and to encourage others just like Nicole would desire. He thought the best way would be to keep her blog going. As we talked the Holy Spirit told me, “Write for her. ” I wrestled with writing for her and following God, because I knew I could not be her.
Nicole was my older and only sister. She was an amazing big sister! When Nicole was growing up she delighted in the Lord, obeyed, and always took the right road. I always wrestled listening to God and often gave my parents a hard time! My road in life was always longer and much more curvier than Nicole’s. She had a Journalism Degree, radiated speaking in front of others, and wrote very well. I have a Business Degree, often doubt myself, and struggle to get the right words out that communicate well! I DID NOT WANT TO WRITE! It would be hard and very emotional. It seemed like an impossible task.
In Exodus we learn how there was a new king, that knew nothing about Joseph and what he had done. The Israelite number increased and this “new king” was upset that there were more Israelites than Egyptians. He was determined to make their life hard and decrease the numbers. God saw his people and he had a perfect person in mind to deliver them, Moses. God told Moses he would deliver the Israelites, but he did not want to do what God asked. God gave Moses so many signs that He would be with him, but Moses still doubted God. He felt ill equipped. He felt someone else should be doing it. He even gave EXCUSES stating he was not the right person!
Exodus 4:1-17 says,
“4 Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?”
2 Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?”
“A staff,” he replied.
3 The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.”
Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it. 4 Then the Lord said to him, “Reach out your hand and take it by the tail.” So Moses reached out and took hold of the snake and it turned back into a staff in his hand. 5 “This,” said the Lord, “is so that they may believe that the Lord, the God of their fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has appeared to you.”
6 Then the Lord said, “Put your hand inside your cloak.” So Moses put his hand into his cloak, and when he took it out, the skin was leprous[a]—it had become as white as snow.
7 “Now put it back into your cloak,” he said. So Moses put his hand back into his cloak, and when he took it out, it was restored, like the rest of his flesh.
8 Then the Lord said, “If they do not believe you or pay attention to the first sign, they may believe the second. 9 But if they do not believe these two signs or listen to you, take some water from the Nile and pour it on the dry ground. The water you take from the river will become blood on the ground.”
10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”
11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”
14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you. 15 You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do. 16 He will speak to the people for you, and it will be as if he were your mouth and as if you were God to him. 17 But take this staff in your hand so you can perform the signs with it.”
The Lord became ANGRY with Moses! He took away all the excuses and just wanted Moses to say, Yes! God wanted Moses to be content with the situation God called him to do. He wanted Moses to be ok with the situation that was laid before him. God had big plans for Moses, and this was a starting point, to see God beginning to use him. Can you imagine if he disobeyed God? I am not sure what God has called you to do. Perhaps it’s spending more time with God, sharing Jesus with your kids, leading a small group at church, adoption, or helping a person in need. God told Moses he would be with him the whole time and he was the right person for the job. He has the same plans for you. Your insecurities or self-doubt is not what God sees in you. He created you and loves everything about you. He will use every bit of you for His purpose. He is just asking you to be obedient and will build upon your obedience one step at a time.
When I called my dad back, I asked to put the phone up to Nicole’s ear. I asked her if I could continue the blog for her. She nodded. Just because I said “Yes” didn’t make it easy. I still doubted myself and it was hard. In fact, each blog post I wrote, I read to her. See God knew writing for her would grow my relationship with Him, see Him in a new way, and would be emotionally therapeutic. After she passed away, I diligently began asking God to use my family and started listening more intently. When God calls us to something or we are in a long season of suffering, he will use it for good. It is only in our obedience and desire to purse His Will, will he grow our faith and sanctify us to be more like Him.
You know I could write the same post with hosting kids from another country. I felt ill equipped and didn’t know why God was calling my family to host. My family always has a lot going on–but I can’t imagine if we said “No”–and were not obedient. Wow, I would have missed out on so much of what God was showing us and where he was leading my family. God showed up EVERY SINGLE DAY and I I was able to see more of our Lord, in a new way! I would have missed out on such a blessing and spiritual growth! In fact, I am now excitedly passionate about God’s calling for my family! All it can take is for you to step forth in obedience one time and it will be so much easier to say, “Yes” when the Lord calls on you again.
“IF YOU DO GOD’S WILL, YOU CAN’T HELP BUT FIND HIS WILL.”
Check out My Sister’s Son, Garrett’s Podcast. He is a fine young man after God’s heart. We need more Kids in his generation, just like him!
https://alttistic.buzzsprout.com/
